My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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