Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
