I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm always down for nudity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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