the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
