I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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