my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
