Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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