Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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