Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
