i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
