it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize