found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
