I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
