Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
