so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's never too late to be topless.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
