Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
