you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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