Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
