That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
