I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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