I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
