I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
