A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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