i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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