why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
