I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
