Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
