I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
