Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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