i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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