toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
