i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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