broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
