what day is it and did you see me today?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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