she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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