I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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