Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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