So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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