just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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