I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
