I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
