She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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