I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
