dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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