Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
