this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize