I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
