like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
