You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
