I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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