Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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