i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
