I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
