Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
high people should be assigned attendants
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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