That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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