I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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