my phone needs a breathalizer
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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