what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
