john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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