that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
