I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
