I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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