youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
