Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Randomize
