If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
