I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
