ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I touched a dick in church today
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
