dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
