i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
