He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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