Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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