well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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