Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
