a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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