The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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