It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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