ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
