We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
